Understanding Grief

Understanding Grief: A Compassionate Guide

Grief is universal, yet it looks different for everyone. After losing multiple loved ones, I’ve come to see that it doesn’t follow a straight line — it comes in waves, sometimes hitting unexpectedly. A song, a smell, a quiet moment, or even being around family can trigger a flood of emotion. That’s normal. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or failing. It means you’re human.

Being alone can make grief feel more intense, but it can also be the space where you process and integrate your feelings. Being with family or friends can help you ground and soothe yourself, even if it sometimes amplifies the pain. Both solitude and connection are valid tools for navigating grief.

The Many Faces of Grief

Grief doesn’t have one “look.” Some people cry, some laugh, some overwork, some move or create, and some find comfort in music or journaling. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. But judgment — from society or even from loved ones — can make grief heavier. Comments like “You should move on” or “Be strong” often isolate people and make them hide their emotions, even from themselves.

Self-Soothing is Human

After loss, the instinct to find relief is natural. Some may turn to alcohol, drugs, or distractions. That doesn’t make you bad or weak — it’s the subconscious seeking comfort from overwhelming pain. Awareness is key: noticing these impulses allows you to choose safer, more sustainable ways to soothe yourself.

Safe self-soothing techniques include:

• Music or movement

• Journaling or creative expression

• Comfort objects, warm drinks, or mindful touch

• Breathwork or grounding exercises

• Rituals to honor memories

The goal is not to erase grief, but to ride the waves safely, giving your mind and body relief without creating guilt or harm.

The Danger of Suppression

Suppressing grief — “just moving on” — may look fine externally, but internally it can build tension and stress. Emotional numbness, irritability, fatigue, sleep disruption, or distance from loved ones are common effects. Suppression can store grief in the subconscious, making it resurface later in unexpected ways. Healing comes from integration, not avoidance. Even small moments of feeling, journaling, or reflection allow grief to process naturally.

Family, Community, and Support

Grief is deeply relational. Being around family can help you feel connected, but it can also surface shared pain and unspoken dynamics. Knowing your own needs and boundaries is vital. Compassion for yourself and others allows everyone to grieve without judgment.

If you know someone grieving, the best support is:

• Listening without trying to fix

• Acknowledging their waves

• Avoiding comparisons or judgment

• Offering gentle suggestions for safe coping if asked

A Closing Thought

Grief is love expressed in waves. It is intense, unpredictable, and sometimes overwhelming. But processing it, honoring it, and finding ways to soothe yourself allows life to continue with meaning and connection. Working through grief doesn’t erase loss — it transforms it, helping you carry memory, empathy, and compassion forward.

You are not alone. Your grief is valid. Your ways of coping are valid. And asking for support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

I would like to thank those who have been with me on this journey allowing it to look as messy as it needs to be to get me through this journey. Those who encourage me not to judge myself when when I have bad days. To have compassion for myself alone with day I just play music and dance to move energy so I don’t get stuck cycles that could become unhealthy.

I appreciate those those who allow my personal space and still support me without judgement.

I hope this helps someone else who may be struggling with grief at this time and to know, I understand, and together we will get through this in a healthy way even if it doesn’t look like it in the beginning.

Thank you

MagicallyMe